These are faces I miss dearly. This is Lisa and JingJing, KeRui and Yvonne. For the past six months we’ve been doing what I call Chinese Book Club- we meet at Lisa’s house for traditional Chinese tea- I drink hot chrysanthemum tea because well, that’s what I do. And then we talk. We learn, we discuss, we act as a window for a culture that is unfamiliar, and we just enjoy each other.
And then a weird virus swept in and our Beijing community evaporated overnight- stuck in holiday locations wondering when we can fly back, quarantined inside all day, or sent out of China on some sort of evacuation mission. We were in Mexico seeing the slow creep of Coronavirus cases rising in WuHan; now in Texas we are waiting things out. Yvonne left after Chinese New Year and is waiting things out in London with her girls. And our Chinese friends are stuck in their homes all day every day while one member of the household is allowed to go out and buy groceries once a week. A bustling, chaotic and beautiful city shuttered and stalled, breathless and optimistic, all trying to hold on to hope and sanity. Hard to do when every time you step outside you have to wear a mask and wonder how long until things can go back to the way they were.
I honestly feel like I am having China withdrawals. I love learning this language. It makes my head hurt, there are daily reminders of how far I still have to go to do basic tasks, but the whole process is exhilarating. And there is magic when you can ask about a new word, try out a sentence, debate why a sentence is said one way when in English it is completely turned on its head. I miss talking to these ladies, talking about Chinese idioms, reading through things, talking about silly expressions in English, and having real, everyday relaxed conversations.
The biggest gain was connecting with language in a real way to get to know real people. To become friends and to let each other in to our lives.
Let me take you back to a few months ago.
November was a busy month for me- we were in full swing with two hour Chinese lessons, class parties where I am teaching kids how to make pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes- but I still tried to make time for these sweet friends.
She had a cup of dried chrysanthemum flowers waiting for me on the low tea table. I had already wiggled out of my snuggly winter boots and exchanged then for some festive Rudolph slippers- those or the pandas, rather than the conservative bamboo variety- they always caught my eye.
Lisa’s house is a blend of traditional and exotic in every sense: porcelain basin fountain in the entryway with perfect porcelain koi fish inside, elaborate ginkgo tree spreading in the corner, traditional Chinese table with all the pouring and mixing tools, all the while a perfectly decked Christmas tree stood by the door with presents already carefully placed and English books on the the wall to wall bookshelves. Yes, in China Christmas is exotic. A nod that you love a culture that is not your own, that those holidays have a place for you too.
Lisa approached me about having a more intimate study group back in September. She, JingJing, and KeRui already spoke well in basic English and she wondered if I knew any western moms who would join. Yvonne, my pithy and practical friend from Ireland immediately came to mind. We’re some of the only foreign moms seriously studying the language- and my friend Tulay from Germany was taking full time classes and was otherwise disposed.
Our little book group was born. We started picking out texts- simple essays school children would read. We read about Rosa Parks, the story of the Statue of Liberty, and the biography of a few Chinese American artists. In Chinese, we read about FanJu and the warring states period and the intrigue of competing kingdoms. Everything in China feels more formal at first- they really wanted to talk about vocabulary and understand the textbook material. But the most helpful to me has always been the side conversations. We pick out words, try to use them in other applications- laugh at the awkward way we try and fail to use them properly. But we learn. Little by little we learn a lot.
That day in November was simple and perfect. As our discussion was winding down and we were about to end so we could run over to the school to pick kids up from their classes, I ventured an invite. “My family is planning to do a traditional American Thanksgiving. We would love to have you and your families join us.” They were so gracious and flattered- and I got to pull out all the stops and make a big meal for a crowd of people who was fascinated to learn more about the tradition and try all the foods.
Thanksgiving was extra special this year because it made me grateful for all the experiences living in Asia has taught me. We have our own cultures and experiences, but we all love our children and we all want to push ourselves to be better.
China has been a treasure and I can’t wait to keep learning. China, get well soon! I am ready to go back.